Thou shalt fear and offer sacrifices to the ice-free Arctic, which the disciples have calculated as the size of Egypt. Once the Arctic becomes ice-free, a great plague shall cover the land – from which the people shall never recover.
Repent of your CO2 sins and vote socialist in November. St. Nicholas is keeping track of who has been a good socialist this year, and will decide whether or not to melt the North Pole based on how many have been naughty and nice.
Thou shalt not question the Climate Bible, if thou art not a credentialed climate priest.
Next thing we’ll have Moses Jr wanting to part the Arctic Ice, climb Mt Kilimanjaro and get given the 13 Climate commandments by the great god CO2, then lead us into the desert.
Sackcloth and ashes for us all.
I rise to defend Santa Claus, whose forever-untarnished character is shown by his bringing you presents when even your parents won’t (my memory is quite clear on this — and he is not a socialist, either, what a thing to say about him!).
Santa is a socialist, as he distributes toys equally and does not favor the evil, greedy one percent who have stolen from the rest of us.