Canada Frozen Solid – Santa Melting

He sees you when you’re sleeping
He knows when you’re awake
He knows if you’ve been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!

Oh! You better watch out!
You better not cry lie
Better not pout
I’m telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town

With Canada trapped in a deep freeze, the Canadian government has announced the Arctic is rapidly melting, and Santa Claus is moving to the South Pole.

Downtown Toronto, Canada 10-Day Forecast | Weather Underground

Armstrong’s Point, Canada 10-Day Forecast | Weather Underground

Santa is moving to the South Pole | Policy Horizons Canada

The overheated Arctic has turned Canada into a giant grape popsicle.

10-Day Temperature Outlook

Looks like no presents for the Canadian government this Christmas!

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28 Responses to Canada Frozen Solid – Santa Melting

  1. RAH says:

    -35 F at Summit station as I write this. Whole lot of melting going on up there in their eternal darkness I’m sure.

  2. Lasse says:

    From all of us to all of You-A very merry Christmas!

  3. oldbrew says:

    ‘the Canadian government has announced the Arctic is rapidly melting’

    We’ve been told that for about two decades, so has ‘rapid’ got a new meaning?

    • arn says:

      Considering how rapid the arctic is officially melting
      she(+polar bears) should have disappeared many years ago even if she was bigger than the sun in 1979.
      (or at least buried by sea level rise)

      my most favourite article of blatant progressive stupidity is btw:
      “Climate Change Affecting Gender Equality in the Arctic”

      • RAH says:

        Here you go arn.
        Site documents about every stupid paper or article published that predicts or claims something or other is caused or will be caused by “climate change”.
        climatechangepredictions.org/

      • Freddy Boom-Boom says:

        Arn: Is that an actual article? If so, is it in The Onion?

        • arn says:

          Well-it’ a greenpeace article.
          And there are other similar ones.

          Website is :Unearthed.Greenpeace.org

          maybe onion owns this site and my englisch is too bad to detect sarcasm but i could swear they mean it for real.

    • Steve Keohane says:

      Maybe they misspelled ‘vapid’.

  4. Gamecock says:

    Where’s he gonna get elves and reindeer at the south pole?

    • Gator says:

      Fellow climate refugees. They will shortly be joined by unicorns, hobbits, and honest democrats.

    • RAH says:

      I’ve posted this kind of thing before but this looks like the place to do it again. We have papers and articles and statements made every year telling us how Santa is being negatively effected by climate change.

      Here are the facts: Santa has an Army of Elves that serve his needs. He has transportation that rivals anything known to man that is so fast and nimble that it can circle the globe in 24 hours making billions of stops. It has stealth and STOL and all weather capability unmatched by anything we mere mortals have ever developed or seen.

      Santa has an unrivaled intel network and remote sensing capability that is the envy of the intel and military organizations of every nation on this planet. He has to in order to know who has been naughty and nice.

      He is the absolute master of clandestine operations, having the ability to ingress and egress leaving only his calling cards and empty milk glasses and cookie plates to mark his passing and he can do this at even the most secure locations we mortals can devise.

      In short Santa has capabilities not even attributed to extraterrestrials that many believe are visiting us or monitoring us. And still we have these fools that claim such a being is going to be bothered by the weather?

  5. Brent says:

    That is not a real screen shot of Environment Canada.
    I disagree with the governments stance on AGW but as a Canadian I do not feel it is correct to use fake news (about Santa moving) to make fun of a trusted website.

  6. Gail Combs says:

    From my farm, a Christmas greeting from the goats.

    We Wish You A Merry Christmas (Goat Edition)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcI6FIpd0CA

  7. GTPath says:

    “Santa’s relocation agreement marks the first time that the international community agrees on a common legal definition of climate change that includes refugees as corporations, as well as individuals” should read “corporations as refugees”, no?

    So climate refugees, including corporations, will be moving to the Antarctic because its too warm in Canada and in the Arctic? I’ve been telling my son if it is too warm for him in Minnesota, he should move to Canada, but I guess I’ll have to rethink that advice.

  8. Norilsk says:

    Two weeks ago I was jumping on the frozen Arctic Ocean at Tuktoyaktuk. It is not melting!

  9. R. Shearer says:

    Coming from Canada, I wouldn’t be surprised if they said he was changing gender too. Then they would call him, “zym.”

  10. Norilsk says:

    A message from satan. Christams will be cancelled. I don’t know about Americans, but in Canada we have a saying, BS baffles brains. Throw him a towell.
    An upload from Santa himself: “Christmas 2013 might be cancelled!”
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wr2LCTdIzd4

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